did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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