The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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