When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize