I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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