listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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