oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
