I want to make a zoo with you.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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