I molested 6 butterflies tonight
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
