i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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