i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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