Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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