tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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