I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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