Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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