I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i believe in u and ur pee
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
