saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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