How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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