my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
