I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
