i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
