FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
