your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
