I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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