Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I want to fling myself into the sun
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
