She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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