I wish I could teleport
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
