how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
