I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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