I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
