dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
