Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
