i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
