they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
