i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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