I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
