she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
