I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
