There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
