It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
