found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.