so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.