you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
