I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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