The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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