why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
