If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
