Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We have so much sex to catch up on
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
