Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I had to cum in my sink.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
