I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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