so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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