you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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