on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The uberlube is also flammable
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
