I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much rum. So many feels.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize