he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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