First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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