you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
