I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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