I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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