question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Terrible idea I love it
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
