You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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