her vagine was all disorganized.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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