he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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