Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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